Want to end racism? Sometimes it all starts with a good long look in the mirror.

Dedicated to the memory of my dear friend and mentor Thomas Johnstone (1952–2013), whose passing left a permanent scar on my heart but whose legacy continues to live on in my life.

“If you’re thinking of ending your life, know that the road out of that feeling can indeed be as terrifying as you think but infinitely more beautiful than you can imagine.

“Grief is a sword, or it’s nothing”

-JD Urban

It’s past time for some do-or-die serious conversations and soul-searching about racism in this country, starting at home with us as individuals. We have to own the part we have played (knowingly or unknowingly) in keeping the status quo propped up and endangering the lives of our friends of color.

I’m going to share something now that’s very personal and difficult, and might be one of the most shocking things I’ve ever written. But the time has come for us to stop hiding behind shame, to own where we come from. What we don’t work through consciously can still continue to operate and influence us on an unconscious level.

When I was growing up, if I (or one of my siblings) did a poor job on a schoolwork assignment, a chore or a project, my mother would say “That looks like a N****er did it”…